Time to choose your dating priorities

Q : It’s been three years since I ended a messy, on-off, eight-year relationship. I’ve dated since, and have met some “great” guys.

After two months, I begin to notice things that bug me — like annoying or immature habits and questionable behaviours.

I know I have high expectations, but I’m a full-time single parent, completing my final year of education.

But why does every guy I meet (or crash) under my expect a fall tions? Is something wrong with me?

— Picky

A : You keep dating the same guy, in that nothing changes. Something’s skewed in your selectivity skills.

Also, you plunge ahead without assessing the differences between you and the man-of-the-moment.

It’s become your established pattern, likely started with the on-off machinations of the past eightyear relationship.

Yes, you’ve got a very full plate. So do lots of men. But you’re not connecting with anyone with whom you share appreciation of each other’s situations.

Maybe dating a single, working dad would be more complicated, but inspire more mutual understanding.

Consider this: You choose to run a very tight schedule, which is fine for you, but impossible for another person to identify with and respond to on every level.

So choose your priorities. Do you want to date someone who relates to your deadlines and pressures as a student, a parent, a worker?

Because few relationships can last long enough to build a bond, if you expect everything to be perfect right from the early dating time.

Q : Last April, while paying some online, I found porn web bills sites. I also saw explicit emails and nude photos including some of my husband.

When confronted, he said it only chatting, that I was jealwas ous, and he’d never leave me. He said he’d quit.

Instead, he changed the password. He’s spending lots of money on the websites. His

cellphone bill is now $90.00 to $100.00 more, monthly, with lots of texting and calling.

He’s angry that I found it all. Same answer, it’s only chat.

He’s 51; I’m 60, together for 23 years. I need some clarity for my thoughts on all this.

— Just Chatting?

A : Exchanging nude photos is not chatting. It’s titillation that often leads to cheating. If he’s texting with contacts whom he’s seen naked, he may well be emotionally cheating already.

He may not be planning to leave you, but he’s disrespecting your relationship, while knowingly worrying you (and hurting you).

He’s trying to blame you for jealousy and also showing anger when he’s the one creating tension.

Be firm. You don’t accept this behaviour just as he wouldn’t accept it from you.

Tell him that what he’s doing is on the slippery slope towards breaking you two apart.

If he continues, get legally informed as to what are your rights and financial entitlements if you decide to leave him.