Lack of sex will sink the relationship

Q I’m 37, seeing a similar-age man for four months.

He’s kind, attentive, doesn’t smoke, drink, or gamble, has a well-paying job, and we get along well.

Neither of us has relationship experience.

After two months, he asked if he could introduce me as his girlfriend. I said I’d like that and would also like it if he’d kiss me. He says his insecurity is holding him back. We’ve only kissed on the cheek a couple of times.

After four months, I no longer feel the original spark. I don’t even like to receive a message from him.

I’d like to maintain the friendship, but I feel that the chance for romance is over.

Should I tell him I just want to be friends? He might be my only option so should I hold onto him?

Hoping For More

A Decide whether you have enough interest in who he is (not in just having a partner) to probe deeper into his lack of affection. It clearly IS a deal-breaker for you if he won’t, or can’t, deliver physical affection and sex. If you care enough, ask if he’s willing to discuss this in counselling with you, or on his own, and take steps to change. Otherwise, stop dating him. Offering him an ongoing friendship would lead him on, unfairly.

FEEDBACK: I have something to add to the discussion about the live-in boyfriend and his dog (March 28). Though I don’t see how it will help if the boyfriend refuses to train his dog:

Reader – “A few years ago, I house-sat for a work colleague. In exchange for a few weeks in a beautiful big home, I was to look after their dog – it was huge and completely untrained.

“My family ran a kennel, and by the end of my stay, I had the dog in a much more manageable condition — walking to heel, waiting for a command before eating, coming when called, etc. The owners were delighted when they returned.

“The next time I visited them, the dog was back to his original bad habits. My point is that the dog isn’t the problem, the boyfriend is. A dog ’s behaviour stems from his/ her owner’s behaviour.

“Dog Dilemma” needs her boyfriend to step up and fix this problem. Dogs need structure and it’s cruel for him to deny this to his pet.”