No benefit in fretting about boyfriend’s ex
Q I met my boyfriend at my workplace nine months ago. He was already dating his now-ex, but we soon realized our incredible compatibility.
We started dating about a month after he broke up with his girlfriend.
We’ve tried to be discreet to protect his ex from finding out. Six blissful months later, I learned that the new girl at work is a close friend to his ex.
She soon mentioned that she knows we’re together. She’s still friendly to me, but I’m not sure how to handle the situation or any potential questions she might have.
Most of my co-workers know we’ve been dating for some time, but I’m not sure I want his ex to know it was so quick! A Timing Issue
A Reality check — things are what they seem. You both shortcircuited his time between girlfriends, it’s six months later, and you’re happy together. Your coworker has likely already reported to his ex that you’re a cosy couple. His ex may even believe that you two started something before the actual breakup.
There’s nothing to be gained by you protesting. It’ll only fuel more speculation. If there are children or legal matters between him and his ex, he’ll have to try to reassure her he didn’t cheat, that their relationship was already strained — whatever she’ll accept.
Your own best strategy is to be pleasant with this co-worker but not get close enough to be asked very personal questions.
Q I’m 22 and last summer suffered a severe illness which caused brain swelling. I almost died, have post-traumatic stress disorder, severe chronic spinal
pain, and brain trauma. I also lost much of my short-term memory. It’s slowly coming back (never all) but it’s hard to explain to others why I get upset when they try to bring up some 2014 memories.
My boyfriend’s supportive and loving, but gets uncomfortable about my trauma. Why is it easier for everyone to pretend that I’m OK and ignore my pleas for understanding? Still Suffering
A The short answer: Your family tries to encourage you to feel OK because they love you and are worried. They may even have been told by doctors and therapists that this is the way to help you move past the trauma.
Longer answer: Talk to your doctor and a therapist about your progress. It’s already evident that your memory’s slowly returning.
Your fear of not remembering may be causing you to feel so frustrated by your family. Explain to them that you can’t handle their pressure to remember, despite knowing that they mean the best for you.
Ask them to talk to you instead about what’s happening in the present and future — and to let your recovery take its natural course. As more memory returns, you’ll all be less worried.