Charming in-laws? Count your blessings

Q My husband and I have been together for five years (married for two). He’s extremely close with his parents who live 10 minutes away.

They’ve been so sweet and welcoming to me.

However, they’re disorganized, flustered by any change to their routine, and always late for any gathering.

They traditionally host Christmas dinner for 25 people. From Thanksgiving on, his Mom talks about how much she has to do and how stressed she is about it.

My husband and I have offered to clean for her, run errands, make food, etc. She either doesn’t accept, or gives so little notice we must scramble to get something done.

She doesn’t serve dinner until after 9 p.m. and has 20 people asking to help (because everyone is starving).

This year, I intend to host the holiday.

My husband says she’ll be very upset and hesitant to not host at her house.

I don’t want to upset her, but I feel it’d take so much pressure off her.

She could still cook and contribute, but we’d be responsible for the cleaning, hosting, and majority of cooking. I want both of our families to feel comfortable and welcome.

Am I being unreasonable? Stressed About Christmas!

A Sweet and welcoming in-laws are a gift! They have annoying habits? Well, who doesn’t have some? Work with them.

Since they’re always late, invite them for an earlier time.

To avoid her Christmas stress, give her a list of what you’re going to do and when, at the start of the month: e.g. you’ll cook the side dishes, and help set the table the day before.

But if she’s still stressed, read her lips: She’ll be more grateful than you think if you take over the hosting.

Do it gently, by asking her to cook or bake just her favourite things, and saying it’s time she got to sit back and just enjoy her family on the day, at your place.

Then, raise a toast to her at the dinner, thanking her for all those years of effort and caring for so many.