Mom of groom demands venue change

Q My husband left 10 years ago and is still with the other woman, although they’ve never married.

My son and his fiancée want to get married outdoors, at my ex-husband’s farm.

I told my son that it’d be very difficult for me to attend a wedding there, where the other woman acts as hostess and considers it “her turf.”

I explained my grief surrounding my marriage breakup, that a wedding ’s where a couple makes a commitment to fidelity, something my ex and the girlfriend didn’t respect.

My son was adamant that he wanted to make his dad happy and was callous to how difficult and hurtful it’d be for me.

My immediate family said none of them would be comfortable there either, knowing how much pain the divorce caused to all of us after 30 years of marriage.

I offered any outdoor venue they wished as a gift. They acquiesced but are still angry. The bride refuses to speak directly to me about it.

The new outdoor venue, which my son chose, is immensely nicer than the ex’s barn and closer to the bride’s home.

He still believes my request was unreasonable, and obviously so does his fiancée. Was it? Still Grieving Divorce

A Yes, you were unreasonable. Ten years later, your grief is your business, not that of your adult son, who has a right to his own choices and also the desire to please his father.

Drawing your other family members over to your side of this unnecessary divide was also unreasonable and did your son and his bride a disservice.

This is their day, not yours. He has two parents, not one.

Enough time has passed that you could’ve been gracious and taken the high road, by attending as a proud mother-of-the-groom.

You didn’t have to become chummy with the other woman, only be polite.

You owe the young couple an apology. You also owe yourself an end to bitterness and a focus on present happiness. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.