How should I treat a father who was unfaithful to Mom?

Q I had a wonderful childhood, partly because my father was highly regarded in his field, and became known nationally.

I was the proud daughter whose picture, as part of his family, sometimes appeared in newspapers. Then, when I was 15, I overheard an argument between my parents in which my mother accused my father of having an affair.

When I eventually realized this was true, and not the first affair, I was shattered. It seemed that every value he’d represented to me was a lie.

I became promiscuous for several years, until I became pregnant. My life changed again when I became a single mom.

My previous sense of responsibility kicked in and I concentrated on going back to school while raising my child.

Now, in my late 30s, I try to understand my father. He was a small-town man with big ideas and intelligence, who attracted a lot of admirers who wrote him and arranged to meet him.

His infidelity caused my mother great embarrassment and she pretty much hid from all but a few closest people.

They divorced, then got back together six years later. Mom’s now passed. I’m struggling with the decision to forgive him. He altered my life’s course considerably, yet I’ve ended up in a good place. Your Thoughts?

A Celebrity affects people’s personal lives, as Hollywood has shown in the extreme.

It attracts people who want to share the limelight.

For the “star,” it’s an egobooster that becomes addictive. And one way to get the attention they seek is through the lure of an illicit affair.

Maybe he got carried away with his own image.

Yet he clearly couldn’t forget the life he once had with your mother. He returned to her — and likely hoped to reconnect to you, too. Your reaction — anger and disgust with the father who had been your hero — led you down a self-punishing path.

But you’re way beyond that, and hopefully able to recognize that he made mistakes, is flawed, but is still your father and your child’s grandfather. Forgive him.

Q My wife and I are getting divorced. I have proof that her professor’s paying for her lawyer.

He has also bought tires for her car and given her money.

Is this even allowed at a university? She’s his student plus his employee for a consulting company.

What can be done about this? Trouble in Texas

A Their relationship appears, from your description, to go against most educational institutions’ rules of conduct between teachers and students.

In such cases, there’s an implied power imbalance between a professor and student.

Talk to your divorce lawyer regarding any policies or laws relevant to this situation.

Unfortunately, what you learn may not actually affect the divorce, though it may affect your wife’s relationship with him and possibly his job and her student status.

If you’re looking to punish one or both of them, you may succeed.

But if you have children together, it’s better for your relationship with them to rethink this approach.