Take it slow to avoid being that ‘rebound guy’

Q I have a co-worker/boss with whom I am infatuated/in love. She was recently “dumped” (her words) by her live-in boyfriend/common-law spouse.

I don’t want to miss a chance to explore a romance with her, but I don’t want to be “the rebound guy” either. How long before I say anything? Confused Worker A It’s never too soon to say something nice, like “Hope you’re doing OK.” But it’s way too soon to ask if her breakup gives you a chance. Since she’s openly using the word “dumped,” she’s bound to be hurting, even if she covers it up at work.

She’s likely unsure herself about whether she’s furious with the guy, now thinks he’s a jerk, or wants to get back together.

Be empathetic, but not intrusive. She doesn’t owe you “the story.” When you see her, say something light about work, or yes, comment on the weather.

Be friendly enough that, in a few weeks, you can suggest a coffee together during a break, then lunch several weeks later.

Build a friendship first before trying to proceed further.

Get past “infatuation” — a way of dreaming about love rather than experiencing it — to learn more about her and whether you have more in common than the same workplace and your crush.

Remember that, as much as you don’t want to later find out you’re just her “rebound guy,” she’s also going to be naturally wary of being hurt again.