Toxic relationship needs help

Q My best friend has always had the goal to have a husband and kids. Now that she’s approaching 30, it seems like it’s the only thing on her mind.

For the past few years, she’s had a dramatic on-off relationship with a guy who seems wrong for her for so many reasons. Last year, once again, he broke up with her. I had hoped it would stick. It didn’t.

They’re now trying again. I’m trying to support her, but every time I speak with her all I hear are problems. I’m nervous about what the next break up will do to her. How can I support such a toxic relationship? Is there any way to convince her that this relationship is bad? Watching a Car Wreck

A The role of a best friend is both simple and complicated. Simply, she wants your support — listening to her stories, caring about her feelings, etc. But the complexity comes from not ignoring the problems or saying outright that he’s wrong for her.

Instead, after she’s vented to you, present her with questions to ask herself in order to do her own thinking: “How did that make you feel?” “What are the changes he’s making?” Say that you’re on her side, but only a professional counsellor can help her look at the relationship clearly.