Start change with what’s do-able

I’m a man, early 30s, and still live at home to help my parents. I purchased a condo two years ago, which will be ready to live in this fall. I have somewhat stable employment, yet I’m not content with my work life and personal life. I want to change a lot of issues about myself. I’d like to have a good university education and maybe even still have a career as an educator. I really hate my personal appearance and have self-esteem issues. I never had a significant other. Heck, I’ve never even had a real date. One thing about myself that I really hate is that I’ve never even had sex.

Other people my age have had sex with somebody or even with multiple partners. I do like women, but always have a feeling that nothing will work and there’s a problem with the other person or myself.

I’m embarrassed about myself, and everyday I wish I were something much better than who I am. I do speak regularly to a therapist. He tells me everything and anything in life is possible, and it’s up to me to know how to handle anything. My therapy sessions are somewhat helpful, but I always have these negative feelings in me. I don’t know what to do or how to handle anything about myself anymore.

What’s my problem? Why can I never change? — Frustrated Existence

A It’s hard for anyone, not just you, to change several areas of your life at once. Start with what seems do-able first, and you’ll find that even one step forward gives you the confidence and courage to take another step.

Your new condo is a positive factor … when you move there in the fall, it’s the beginning of independence.

On your own, you’ll need to get out sometimes with a friend or workmate, or to an interest group where you meet likeminded others.

Whether it’s a film club, a volleyball team, or one of the meetup.com groups, it’s another step forward — including toward meeting someone to have a date, and eventually finding a relationship and sex partner.

Further education is an admirable goal, yet it takes time. While supporting yourself through your job, try an online course to see if that’s workable for you now.

If not, consider whether another job situation suits you better.

Keep up your therapy sessions, if they help you stay on track with building some confidence in your ability to tackle these positive “steps.”