Dramatic wife steals spotlight

Q I love my wife of 11 years very much. She used to be a singer and is involved in amateur theatre, which may be why she can come across as larger than life.

When she enters a room, she makes a big statement or does something to get a reaction. Or, she inserts herself into conversations. She does this without reading the rest of the group’s mood, which can leave me and others feeling like an audience.

When I mention something I find interesting or that happened to me, she’ll chime in with her opinion or a story.

She’s funny and loyal and kind, and very sensitive. Should I just suck it up? — Unheard

A After 11 years, this pattern appears set in stone.

Given her sensitivity and love of the limelight, you need to proceed with great care. As an experienced performer, she knows how to upstage anyone trying to steal her spotlight. Don’t start off with poor-me complaints.

Practice at home instead of in public. Tell her an interesting story. If she tries to top you, give her the verbal applause she wants, and tell her another story. Reveal that you have lots to say.

The goal is to create a new pattern of dialogue. Once you get her used to your “voice” in discussion, take it out in public.

It’s going to take time to adapt an old pattern to a new approach, but be diligent.