ALL IN THE FAMILY
Julie Duncan, a Manor Park Public School teacher, is mobbed by her students during FamJam, an event she created to recognize today’s diverse families, celebrating all the people who contribute to children’s well-being at school and out of it.
Kailey was first to rise, smiling shyly to her audience at Manor Park Public School.
“Welcome parents, chosen family, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbours and members of our wonderful Manor Park community.” Then Caleb chimed in. “Our lives are so busy and so often we forget to take a step back and recognize all those important people that help us get to school each day, help us learn and grow at home and provide us with a loving and warm place to go home when the day is done,” he said.
“You stay up late and wake up early,” added Brooke. “You come to our bedside when we’re sick, you listen to our problems and you make us laugh . ... You build us up so we can grow.”
There were tears and there was laughter at a video put together by the 22 students from teacher Julie Duncan’s Grade 4 and 5 class for their roughly 80 guests this day.
Welcome to what these students have dubbed FamJam.
The second-annual event was held this week in Duncan’s class, situated purposefully between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day on the calendar.
It’s an occasion built for the students, that also highlights how our schools are seeing first-hand the increasingly diverse family dynamics at play in our society.
Earlier this month, controversy erupted when a Mission, B.C. school told families that Grade 1 and 2 students wouldn’t be making presents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It was met with outrage about the “devaluing ” of parents. There was also empathy from those who recalled being left out of such celebrations themselves, as a result of a parent’s death or divorce. It turned out that one of the kids had suffered what a trustee called a “recent trauma.”
But the reaction to FamJam in Duncan’s class has been nothing but joyful.
“FamJam is a complement to Mother’s Day and Father’s Day,” Duncan said. “Leading up to Mother’s Day, we did a Mother’s Day craft, the kids made a card ... . If the kids chose to not to do it, that was fine as well.
“So I think it’s just opening the discussion about families being very diverse ... . I think it’s just having those honest conversations.”
It started when Duncan noticed some kids avoiding making Mother’s Day cards last year and realized the exercise was creating a lot of anxiety for some.
“Upon further conversation, it was, ‘This is really stressful — I haven’t seen my mom in three months, three years, ever; I live with my grandma.’ ”
So Duncan and the children brainstormed at the weekly Monday morning meeting, where kids pass around a ball, taking turns to talk about their experiences, thoughts and hopes for the week.
“We came up with the idea together, as a community, that we should celebrate all the people — the neighbours who welcome the kids home if their parents are at work, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the friends, chosen family,” she said. “All the people who contribute to their wellbeing here at school and outside of school.”
It’s in fact a minority of Duncan’s students who live with both parents, she says, while the rest have varying family makeups in what’s a mixed-income area straddling St. Laurent Boulevard in the city’s east end.
While the latest statistics on the makeup of Canadian families from the 2016 Census won’t be released until August, Nora Spinks, CEO of the Vanier Institute of the Family, predicts that diversity in both homes and neighbourhoods will only continue to increase.
“Our communities are more diverse than ever before, our families equally so,” Spinks said. “Schools that recognize and acknowledge and respect that new reality are in a good position to facilitate student success.”
Events such as FamJam are a way that schools can show they respect all kids and families and highlight the “circles of support” — family members, older siblings, friends, neighbours, teachers — that help kids thrive.
“It’s a wonderful example of celebrating community, of recognizing the complexity of modern time, the reality of modern family life and the significance of coming together for success today but also for the future,” Spinks said.
Changing families are nothing new. A century ago, many singleparent-led families were headed by men because so many mothers had died in childbirth. After the world wars, they were more likely to be led by widowed women. In the 1970s, the number of single parents rose with pent-up demand after divorce laws were liberalized.
According to the last census, about eight in 10 Canadian kids live with married or common-law parents, but family “constellations” other than mom, dad and kids are becoming more common. One in five kids lived with a lone parent. About one in 10 lived in a step-family.
“One thing we do know from the research is that families are the most adaptable institution in society — they’re going to be the first to adjust to change,” Spinks said. “Next will come those institutions that are closest to those families — where children are involved it will be schools and childcare centres.”
FamJam is an example of that adaptation, in the same way that schools used to mark just one or two traditions’ holidays while a multicultural school today has kids celebrating dozens, she said.
“We used to celebrate only Mother’s and Father’s Days — now we’re celebrating families in all of their diversity, we’re celebrating community and all that community brings,” Spinks said.
One thing we do know from the research is that families are the most adaptable institution in society.