Wife refuses to consider counselling

Q I’ve known my wife for 13 years, married 11 years, with two beautiful kids and countless memories from the day I met her till now.

Last year, she told me that we were done, that she’d lost respect for me, that she may have never loved me and there was nothing I could do to change her feelings. She refused to consider counselling. Above anything else, she wanted to set out on her own.

For many reasons, while it’s almost a year later, we’re still together. Our home life is still more than solid.

But nothing’s changed between the two of us, and she hasn’t seemed to change what she wants in life. I feel that I’ve improved my approach to life and am more motivated, more useful and even sometimes more happy.

I understand and respect her feelings, but I wish she’d try some professional counselling before change makes that option too late. Am I foolhardy? Hanging In A A lot of people over the years have sent me their stories of sudden pronouncements by one partner or another of being “done” with their relationship and wanting out.

Yet there’s a “wow” factor in this case, for many reasons:

“Wow” that she said all that to you, yet didn’t leave. “Wow” that you didn’t just listen, you actually heard her and made changes in yourself.

But there’s also a worrisome “wow” that neither of you have sought some counselling for your own sakes, let alone for the marriage.

No, I don’t think you’re foolhardy, but I do think you should bolster yourself for the future.

Get counselling for yourself. Learn how far you’re willing to go to keep the marriage together, and discover too where your boundaries exist.

Your getting counselling may encourage her to do the same. If not, her statement that “nothing you could do” would change her feelings remains a threat overshadowing your relationship, implying that she could walk out any day.

Understanding and respecting her feelings is important, but make sure you respect yourself, too.