ANITA DOORSIAN
York Street, June 19
“I’m from Tehran, and before I came to Canada, I had a really good relationship. I really loved my boyfriend. But I’d been working on a plan to come to Canada for a few years before I knew him. And after he realized that I wanted to come to Canada and continue my education, he proposed to me. And it was a really bad situation for me because I was in a dilemma. One way, coming to Canada was my purpose, my goal, and I did everything to catch my goal. The other way was my love and my heart. So what can I do? He didn’t want to come to Canada because it’s cold, and his business and everything is in Iran. And his English was not good, so what could he do if he came to Canada? I couldn’t ask him to do that. So it was a really bad war between my heart and my brain and mind. Which one was the best one?
“My father always said, ‘I’m behind you, regardless of what happens. Just try to catch your goal and go and study. You can forget and you can find love again.’ So I thought, ‘OK.’ But to be honest, after he proposed to me, we had a problem together. When I imagined that he was going to be my husband and not just my boyfriend, my perspective changed, just from seeing him as my husband and my children’s father.
“So I chose my brain and decided to come to Canada, and I did, in 2015. And just when I came to Canada I thought that maybe I made a bad decision, because every day I cried. I had a really hard time, and not only because of my emotional issues with my relationship, but living here was so hard. I was alone here and then I had financial problems. I had all these problems on my shoulders and I couldn’t do anything.
“But I thought, ‘This was your decision, and you have to come up with a solution. Nobody can solve this for you.’ But the worst thing was that every day on social media, I’d see my boyfriend’s picture with lots of girls. And every day my heart broke and I cried. You can’t believe how many days I just cried and slept. And last year, he had a relationship with just one girl.
“I blocked him. I stopped looking for him and watching his pictures, but it didn’t work. Even when I didn’t see the pictures, I always saw him in my dreams. It was really bad. But we have mutual friends who always said that he doesn’t love her. ‘He just wants to waste his time. He still loves you.’
“About a month ago, I went back to Tehran for a visit, and he ended his relationship with her and called me and cried and said, ‘Please forgive me. I just love you. I want to marry you. You weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my first and last love.’ And I said, ‘Sorry, shut up. If I was your first love, then why did you do that?’ And he said, ‘I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t do that. And it wasn’t only my fault — you just left everything. If you had stayed, we would have children and a good family, but you prefer your success instead of me, so it wasn’t just my fault.’
“And I said, ‘At least I didn’t have any other relationships. I couldn’t love any other man instead of you.’ So he kept going and wouldn’t give up. He said, ‘I know you still love me’ — and he’s right, I still love him.
“So now, again, I have a dilemma.
I’m planning to go back home at the end of July to visit my family, because I’m really homesick, but I have the same dilemma as the last two years: Come to Canada looking for my dream job, my citizenship and a good life, or stay in my country and follow my love, marry, maybe get a job in Tehran. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong.”