Sobriety is lifetime work

Q There was alcoholism on both sides of my parents’

families. I got sober 25 years ago, affecting my relationships with family members. We maintained contact while my parents were alive. They died years ago, and I’ve since become estranged from all family, including my brother, who I believe has a drinking problem.

His son’s getting married and I have no inclination to renew any family connections. They’ve never been supportive of my sober status and may even think I should toast the bride and groom.

What do I do with this mailed invitation requesting an RSVP to my nephew’s wedding? Family Overvalued

A Sobriety is a lifetime work for recovering alcoholics and I congratulate you on your successful efforts and your determination.

Having family be unsupportive is very disappointing, but this is certainly not a new story in your life.

You’ve learned how to manage so far. A busy job and supportive friends have apparently been enough.

Yet your nephew’s wedding invitation has you questioning … what? Whether the younger generation of relatives is innocent of this background? Whether you still have a role among these people?

Certainly, you should send him your best wishes and a wedding gift — that’s not difficult. You can also congratulate your brother through a phone call.

As for attending the wedding, that’s a decision only you can make because it’s based on your knowledge of yourself and reaction in that situation.