Readers get their chance to offer some advice

Regarding “the child that needs help,” in situations as described by “Desperate Father” (July 11): Reader No. 1: I’m a young adult who suffers from depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of emotional abuse from a romantic partner. During my roughest times, I had zero support from my parents.

When I said I was seeing a counsellor at university, they were annoyed that I hadn’t “got over” the abuse.

I imagine the son is going through an extremely difficult time, and the parents probably don’t know the full extent of it. Yet they can’t force him to disclose everything. I advise them to ask him what he needs to be successful, and to truly listen and provide support.

Telling him which paths to take, or how he should be doing things, won’t be fruitful. He has to make those choices for himself.

You can give someone a fish, or you can teach them to fish, but you should first ask if they eat fish. Reader No. 2: I am, was, and have been the child that needed help. I’ve been dealing with depression and assorted eccentricities, foibles and quirks that it’s foisted on me over years. I’m now 56.

I’d tell Distraught Father this: Don’t do what my family did — they ignored it. Don’t pretend it’ll go away; it won’t.

Here’s what you can tell your wife (Ellie: She won’t discuss their son’s situation with anyone) to expect: “I don’t work, haven’t in

years, still suffer from depression. I’m terrified of people, anyone, everyone. I rarely leave home, rarely answer the door, and never answer the phone.

“I have no friends and no contact with two of my brothers. I suffer from gut-wrenching panic attacks frequently. I’m obsessive-compulsive. Changes in my schedules can send me into a panic attack. I’ve cut myself because it stings, hurts, and lets me know I’m still alive.

“I did try years ago to get help, but the only advice I got was to have myself committed.”

Will this happen to your son? If he DOESN’T get help it’s very likely he’ll end up in the same space as me. Ask yourselves, what’ll happen to your son after you’re both gone and he’s truly alone? Reader No. 3: Young adults may try different paths before finding their fit. Be their champion. Listen. Have patience.

I’d suspect depression, possible focus issues (a learning disability), lack of confidence, or lack of problem-solving ability. Or, something not shared with you that’s distressing him.

Let him know you’re in his corner. Don’t bring up past mistakes, losses, or issues. Suggest a doctor’s visit for a general checkup. Say you love him and his health’s important. Ask what he’d like, going forward.