Husband must let wife deal with financial shortfall

Q I was married seven months ago to a woman I’d dated for three years. We’re both in our 50s. She has three children; I have one son, 21.

We have almost equal net worth and both have professional careers (I earn 25 per cent more than her). She’s scheduled for part-time work (two-thirds the hours) soon. She’ll start planning our dream home that we’ll build. I love her dearly. However, her youngest son lived with us one summer at 21. That almost ended our relationship.

He’d come home from his coop work-term job “too tired” to clean his mess in the kitchen, leaving me to clean after him though I worked 10-11 hours.

When he recently started his last work term, he borrowed several thousand dollars from his mother for rent and clothes.

He claims he’ll repay her but he keeps buying things on his credit card. I can’t see the loan ever being repaid.

We share all household expenses. I also pay for the costs toward our future home from my savings.

Once she’s part time, I doubt she’ll be able to continue sharing her half of the expenses.

I don’t mind carrying more of the expenses when it’s for us, but since she likely won’t get repaid, it feels like I’ll be working longer than I want to. Love and Money

A It’s all about her son. He took advantage of your willingness to clean up (you could’ve left it for his mother to clean) and you haven’t forgiven his easy-care attitude.

You clearly raised your son differently.

If you overreact, it could divide you.

There’s seemingly enough money between you. You agreed to her working part time. Overseeing the house project is part of her contribution.

Back off. Point out, gently, that you both know he won’t repay so she may have trouble maintaining her share of expenses.

Then drop it. Unless you have some mutual solutions, leave the shortfall up to her. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.