MAN IS LOOKING FOR THE SEX, NOT ROMANCE
We dated for almost a year — I’m 38, he’s 37. I began to believe I loved him. He’s smart, funny, hard working, responsible and our sexual connection was the best I’ve known.
He’d been badly hurt by his ex after a long relationship, so was wary about being too romantic. I finally said that I loved him, but he didn’t say the same.
I saw him less and less, and getting together became about his needs for sex and sleep.
I realized I’d be waiting for commitment that would never happen. So I ended it. He was silent for weeks, and only occasional how-are-you’s these past six months.
Recently, he’s been messaging me wanting to get together. He wants me to visit him and the hints are about sex.
Months ago, I might’ve gone. But I’ve started dating someone I like, and I feel very conflicted.
Do you think he’s missed me? Could he have had deeper feelings for me than he knew or showed? Second Chance?
He misses the great sexual connection you had together, which is unsurprising as it’s a powerful feeling when it’s that good. But no, it’s still all about his needs, not about re-booting the relationship to a romance.
Unless he very quickly lets you know that he’s now wanting to enjoy loving emotions in his life, you’ll always be a supplicant, waiting, wanting and feeling denied. You made a healthy break months ago, and now you’re involved with getting to know someone else.
Hopefully, you’ve learned your own needs are equally important and won’t settle.
I’m a male, 54, housebound (agoraphobia) and living in my mother’s basement.
She gets my groceries weekly, leaves me alone, but formerly visited with me once monthly.
Because of her harsh treatment, I asked that she not bother anymore, leaving me totally alone for over five years.
I contact her through email. I’ve requested her company again, but she stonewalls me.
Is it abusive to be left alone for 14 years?
I can’t make friends. She says it’s my choice to be alone. Depressed
You need professional help. Agoraphobia usually refers to a fear of being in crowds, and feeling helpless with no escape, causing anxiety or panic attacks.
According to the respected Mayo Clinic, “… treatment can be challenging, but with psychotherapy and medications, you can escape the trap of agoraphobia and live a more enjoyable life.”
Find an anxiety disorder support group online, plus call a therapist’s helpline (posted online) to seek help.