Time for couple to get serious

Q I met my boyfriend online and he swept me off my feet. We moved in together after four months of dating.

That was six years ago. I’m 36, he’s 39.

He’s a happy go-lucky guy with a lot of friends. He has a poker night once a week, goes out with “the boys” another night, takes an annual Las Vegas getaway, and a weekend cottage “blast” with his two best friends every summer. There’s also the guys’ winter ski trip.

We both have consuming jobs, working late some weeknights, so only have dinner together once or twice weekly.

Saturday nights we always go out, rarely alone. There are always friends along who want to get together.

I’m getting tired of the social treadmill and told him so. I’d like to get engaged, plan a wedding and then start a family, all within the next couple of years.

He keeps putting me off when I raise this. He says our life is great and we mustn’t change it too swiftly.

I said outright that my getting an engagement ring wouldn’t keep him from his poker game and “fun” if that were his fear. So it was my birthday recently and he surprised me … with an expensive suitcase. He said we should be travelling more.

I cried because he’s basically stalling our getting engaged.

After six years, and approaching age 40, am I wrong to think I should be looking for a man who wants a family life with me, and not wasting my time with a “boy” who only wants playtime? Frustrated

A You’re already out of there, mentally.

But how are you emotionally? You stayed with him, and presumably enjoyed some of the good times … when he was around.

You also accepted his routine absences all these years, so it’s unrealistic to suddenly expect him to be excited about a life of domesticity.

You need The Talk more than an engagement ring. The questions of whether you truly love each other, and want to spend your mature years together, need to be discussed.

Even if he caves and goes for an engagement, is he the partner you want for marriage and raising children?

While he’s been seeking good times with his pals, you’ve been either just as satisfied with the lifestyle, or just watching the clock with growing resentment.

Stop waiting for his next move. Talk to him, and make your own decision about what happens next. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. ellie@thestar.ca @ellieadvice