Don’t rush into another relationship

Q I’m a 42-year-old man wanting a partner for the rest of my

life. I was married for 10 years and have two daughters. My ex and I met when I first came to this country at 22.

She was older and helped me get started. I worked long hours. There wasn’t much time for us together and we grew apart. Later, when I had a successful business, I met a muchyounger woman (I was 36, she was 20).

We had a passionate relationship and enjoyed unusual adventures. That stopped when I was involved in a car accident and almost lost both my legs.

My wife looked after me. But once I could walk again, she left. She has a boyfriend her own age and they’re living together.

I now want a partner to grow old together. I remembered that a woman who’d once worked for me had gotten divorced too. I contacted her because I’d always found her attractive.

We met and the chemistry was still there for me, I think for her too. So I told her pointblank that I thought we could have a great life together. Her answer shocked me.

She said that I’m “afraid to be alone.” She said she wouldn’t date me because I’m not really interested in her, but in my own comfort. Could she be right? Or is this the new psychobabble way of saying she’s just not attracted to me? Seeking A Partner

A It doesn’t take a psychotherapist to come up with an answer.

She’s telling you not to rush to the next relationship based only on your immediate need for companionship.

You’re the one who needs to know yourself better, to recognize what your part was in those past relationships ending, not just the women’s parts, or circumstances that changed.