Clown parade
Can’t get enough of Stephen King’s It? Steve Tilley has films to stoke bozophobia.
Everybody loves a clown. So why don’t you?
Because they’re creepy as hell, that’s why.
Look, we get that clowns have feelings, too. And we’ve met some great clowns in real life. From party entertainers to circus contortionists, most are truly standup folk. They don’t deserve to be slandered in popular media.
But with last week’s release of It, based on Stephen King’s novel of the same name, yet another terrifying cinematic jester has entered the zeitgeist. (And by all accounts, Bill Skarsgård makes a truly scary Pennywise the Clown.) Don’t forget these memorable evil clowns:
CLOWN (2014)
Hidden in the back of SpiderMan: Homecoming director Jon Watts’s closet is this low-budget horror flick about a dad who dresses as a clown for his son’s birthday party, and then discovers he can’t get the costume off. Because it’s A DEMON’S SKIN, MUHAHAHA! It’s not a fantastic movie — Watts directed the much better Cop Car between this and Spider-Man: Homecoming — but it really goes all in on the whole creepy party-clown thing.
Find it on: Amazon Prime, Vudu.com
IT (1990)
This two-part TV movie adaptation of Stephen King’s book stars Tim Curry as Pennywise, the clown who appears every 27 years to stalk children in the town of Derry. As a four-hour flick it’s a bit slow in stretches (although it does cover a good, meaty chunk of King’s book), but Curry steals pretty much every scene he’s in, and gives Skarsgård some awfully big clown shoes to fill.
Find it on: iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation Store, Microsoft Store
KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)
The title screams hokey lowbudget B-movie, and that’s exactly what this is. But it’s a wonderfully self-aware schlockfest, and manages to be silly, funny, weird and gruesome, with some surprisingly decent practical effects for an otherwise poorly shot and terribly acted flick. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a must for your Halloween marathon playlist.
Find it on: Tubi.tv, iTunes, Google Play, PlayStation Store, Microsoft Store
HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003)
Musician Rob Zombie’s first foray into feature-film directing wasn’t particularly well-received by critics, but one unforgettable element of the movie (and its sequel, The Devil’s Rejects) is Sid Haig as the foul-mouthed, face-painted, homicidal Captain Spaulding. You do not want to rob him, you do not want to make fun of his store, and you especially do not want to tell him you hate clowns.
Find it on: iTunes, Cineplex Store, PlayStation Store, Microsoft Store
POLTERGEIST (1982)
The evil spirits infesting the suburban California home in this Steven Spielberg classic come in many forms, but none as unforgettable as that freakin’ clown doll. (See? Clowns can be scary even as DOLLS!)
The scene really needs no description, since it’s quite possibly the most memorable sequence in the whole movie, and has been indelibly seared into the mind of anyone who’s seen it. Don’t ever look under the bed. Find it on: TMN Go, Google Play, Cineplex Store, PlayStation Store, Microsoft Store