Patient should be cautious about attraction to psychologist

Q Several months ago, I’d become emotionally “out of sorts” and sought counselling (first time). I’m male, early 60s, professional background, permanently separated, no dependents.

At a family services agency, a cognitive psychologist was assigned. She’s in her 40s and within six sessions, was unlocking a long-lingering issue (from my childhood).

I’ve been able to identify and manage it, and my mood disappeared. We ended the sessions, and, at a “group social” event, she was nearly always around me. During the hour-long sessions, we’d communicated with a level of intimacy and occasional humour that astonished me — always strictly professional, yet anyone would sense my growing attraction to her.

However, I’m especially sensitive to the perils of “crossing the line.” The last thing I’d ever wish to do is place her in a position (even by perception) that compromises her standing with her employer.

But I want to know her better, and wonder as to whether, and how, I can express my feelings.

While it’s different if she’s “attached,” I do have some information suggesting that she is not. I don’t want to lose her friendship (our obvious rapport). What’s your advice about my revealing personal interest in this woman? Dilemma

A Decide first whether you’d ever want to see her professionally again. If so, any attempt to see her socially would end that possibility.

If not, there’s still the question of “how to approach.” Be aware that it’s not uncommon for some therapy clients and even medical patients to feel a special “bond” with the professional who helps them.

Make contact with a simple question, such as, “would it be appropriate if we met away from your office for a coffee and social conversation?” It’s respectful and restrained, yet fairly clear that you’re not seeing this as a professional encounter.

Her answer will likely be even clearer. If she’s willing to meet, you’re on a new social level. If she’s not, it should be no surprise or insult, given common professional rules against therapistclient relationships.

Reader: Regarding the mother who’s constantly involved with three teenage daughters, while Dad is “odd-man out.”

I have three teenage daughters, too. Can you elaborate on how to “re-boot” our family’s functions?

A It’s easy for a one-sided routine to develop, when one parent, perhaps with seeming-more time, drives the children, cooks, does laundry, etc.

But this is 2017. Both parents have skills and qualities that benefit their kids and can equalize the tasks. Teenagers can pitch in, too. The “re-boot” is a change that’s worked out together. Example: Dad and daughters cook together one evening or on the weekend and freeze some meals.

You drive to an activity, he picks up. Or you go together and watch, so you’re both conversant about what they’re learning, the sport they’re playing, etc.

You only need mutual willingness to compromise to make family life feel more like a team effort.