IT’S NOT A STRETCH TO SAY THIS LIMO IS SIMPLY LOVELY
Few vehicles deliver the performance and opulence that are this Bimmer’s hallmarks
David Booth: It may not be a sign of an impending apocalypse, but in my humble opinion, BMW’s M760Li xDrive does point out how much difficulty the seriously well-to-do are having in spending all their ill-gotten wealth. I mean, how else do you explain a limousine that’s been given the M-car performance treatment? What use could it possibly serve?
If it is indeed to be slipped into limo service, who exactly wants to be in the back of a car that accelerates to 100 kilometres an hour in just 3.7 seconds and corners like something with a Porsche badge on its hood? I suppose said uber-wealthy could really like their chauffeur and want to reward him or her with a sporty ride for their enjoyment when master is not in the car, but then that risks Jeeves forgetting himself and rollicking around the back roads when the master is in the back seat — or worse yet, when his darling little offspring are being chauffeured to kindergarten. Either way, a barf bag might be a great rear-seat option.
If he himself wants to drive a big sport sedan, why would the lord of the manor need the impossibly long-wheelbase L version, with enough legroom for LeBron James and a power-operated footstool that folds out of the back of the front seat? Even Bill Gates isn’t rich enough to be in two places at once.
Even the concept of an owner who sometimes drives and sometimes gets limo’d doesn’t make sense. If you have enough money for an M760Li, chances are you have enough for two cars, each perhaps a little more dedicated to the specific task at hand. So, in a nutshell, I don’t quite understand the market demographic of BMW’s new M760Li. Neil Vorano: David, David, David — since when does a car that costs more than $175,000 have to make sense? I’m glad there are still cars out there that defy reason, including this M760Li. For that kind of money, I want it all, and that’s exactly what this big Bimmer delivers.
In fact, if I may be so bold in saying, sir, it’s you who doesn’t make sense here. If I want to be coddled in the back of my own personal limo, the longwheelbase 7 Series, with a “puny” 322-horsepower V-6, starts around a hundred and eight grand. But do you want a basemodel limousine? No. You want the creature comforts found in this car, such as reclining, heated and massaging rear seats, the removable tablet that controls the car’s features, the perfume atomizer and, of course, the champagne cooler. And all that and much more is going to bring it up close to the $140,000 mark; no more room in the budget for a 911. So, in effect, this V-12-powered leather-lined road rocket is a veritable bargain — well, relatively speaking.
What makes my argument more compelling — and this is something you must agree on — is the fact this big BMW does both luxury and performance with aplomb. The latter, in fact, is shockingly good for a car weighing more than 2,250 kilograms. Again, why not have it all? DB: So what you’re saying is there is someone — indeed, an entire demographic, because BMW wants to sell more than one car — that wants to drive and be driven on alternate days?
Well, I don’t see it, but I do agree with you if such a beast does exist, the M760 is as good a ride as any they might seek. The first step in this duality is the liberation of the 6.6-litre version of BMW’s twin turbo V-12 from Rolls-Royce (you knew that the Germans owned Rolls, right?). Good for 600 horsepower and 590 pound-feet of torque. Even more than 2,250 kilograms of stretched 760 doesn’t have a chance at blunting its charge. As I mentioned, BMW times it at 3.7 seconds in the zero-to-100-kilometres-an-hour sprint, but a few independent tests have it as low as 3.5. That’s serious sports car territory, an exemplary time for any over-muscled sports coupe without launch control and not all that far off the three seconds flat such flashy supercars as Lamborghini’s Huracan boast. BMW also says the M760 is good for 302 km/h but I suspect that Jeeves will be feeling the wrath of the master in the back seat long before it gets anywhere near three times the speed limit. Think Jaguar F-Type SVR with an airline reclining seat.
NV: And it’s not even the pure power that impresses me the most. Again, for such a long and heavy limo, the M760Li has the agility and handling of a car half its size. You can thank, among other advancements, an active roll bar, air suspension and — best of all — four-wheel steering for that. I had the pleasure of driving some switchback mountain passes in the Alps recently, and there was not an iota of disappointment that I was behind the wheel of BMW’s largest car. Braking is sports-car strong, the vehicle turns on its axis around tight bends with nary a squealed tire, and then that monstrous torque squirts you on to the next apex. Understeer? None. I’m still marvelling at its performance.
There will be times where you have to slow down. Change the drive mode from sport to comfort plus and you are back in one of the softest and most luxurious cars on the market. Supple napa leather seats (heated and cooled, of course), near silence (thanks to triple-layer glass), a stellar Harman Kardon stereo system that hits every high and low note, and even colour-selectable mood lighting. I can’t think offhand of another car that can do both adrenalin-fuelled performance and Zen-centred tranquillity so well.
DB: I agree with all your sentiments, Neil, that sometimes the independently foolish want their seats to recline and other times they want to tighten the bolsters. And sometimes they want a short-wheelbase performance coupe and sometimes an ultra-long limousine. I just don’t see them wanting both in the same car. The very benefit of being uber-rich, after all, is that you don’t have to choose — or compromise.
Again, that being said, if you’re right, the BMW is a choice ride for the rich and indecisive.
NV: Or, perhaps it’s for those who simply want it all.