Money matters still affecting divorced couple

Q My wife of 24 years wanted to separate, even after counselling. Our three older kids seem to have taken it in stride. But my now-ex-wife seems downright hostile. There were no infidelities on my part. Maybe on hers, but I’m not sure.

The financial separation is ongoing, so all our accounts are still joint with me paying all bills. She’s been continually putting purchases on my credit card, saying they’re for the kids. Untrue. I’ve repeatedly asked her to stop, and got upset.

My lawyer suggests I wait until the financial agreement is fully negotiated. I can’t tolerate it but can’t cancel the card as it’s tied up with the house and line of credit.

I’m afraid her vengefulness will carry on through negotiations for spousal support. I make a lot more money than she does, so my monthly support check will be crippling to my standard of living. Frustrated Ex-husband

A She had some reasons for wanting the break, and her hostility is related to those reasons. So you need to rely on your lawyer’s advice, not on your reactions. Or, she may dig in her heels to make you even more uncomfortable.

Your comments on spousal support also show you need further legal understanding. In many jurisdictions, a marriage looks at support issues for fairness. If her income is less, as a partner in the marriage she may be entitled to a bigger share of your income than you would choose.

These are the facts/issues that are assessed, not whether one party can maintain a higher standard of living and the other must accept less. @ellieadvice