Secrecy is a sign to leave

Q My boyfriend of two years refuses to tell me anything about his ex-girlfriends.

Recently, I found out that he and his ex-girlfriend were involved in domestic violence incidents and he was charged with assault.

Although he’s never physically hurt me during our relationship, I’m terrified that he will repeat his past behaviour and become violent against me in the future.

He loves me very much and I’m scared to confront him about his past. Should I leave him?

Should I stay in the relationship and pretend that I don’t know anything? Confused and Scared

A Walk away, immediately, to a safe place. I didn’t say, “Run,” because I’m hoping you can just leave without having to confront him while alone with him, nor give him reason to suspect that you’re leaving.

Once you are somewhere where you feel safe — whether with your parents, a close trusted friend, or a women’s shelter if necessary, you can contact him and explain that you have reasons to no longer trust his behaviour to you. He has kept secrets including a very serious charge of violence against a girlfriend, plus other incidents.

The fact that he’s never hurt you doesn’t give confidence that he won’t, because he hasn’t acknowledged his past and assured you that he’s changed from then.

He just didn’t want you to know. That’s a red flag as a control move, considering that there’s already been previous domestic violence in his relationships. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.