Dwindling sex life will take a toll on one partner

For the first three of our 13 years together, we had sex regularly. Then it dwindled. Now married (three years ago), we have sex three to four times

a year. We’re healthy, 30s, with no kids. I think there’s a problem and we should talk about it.

She says she’s not a sexual person. I’m a sexual person and it’s causing me anxiety, sadness, self-worth issues, etc ...

She works constantly, often out late. I don’t think she’s being unfaithful and she’s promised she hasn’t been.

She’s had a physical exam, talked to a therapist, but that’s sputtered out. Work always trumps the issue. I love her, and I want to be with her. But I feel I’m missing a big part of my relationship. What do I do? Frustrated!

Men and women alike can naturally have low libido. Some women experience early menopause symptoms that decrease their libido. And a person with low sex drive will resent being pressured for sex.

Marriages can work through such differences, but only if there’s the will and efforts to find compromises and solutions.

Did she talk to a hormone specialist about low libido, and report what she learned? Have you tried self-pleasuring while in bed with her, to achieve the intimacy you want/need? Have you discussed the possibility of your seeking sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage? Neither of you can demand that the other change to meet the needs of only one.