Pay a visit to your doctor for advice
Q I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it was my biggest problem in our marriage.
She’s 65, I’m 75 working 20 to 35 hours a week. Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me.
Later in our life, sex completely disappeared. When I confronted her or talked about it, she said sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along.
I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.
Is she right? Shall I find a sex therapist or talk to my doctor? Still Frustrated at 75
A It’s never too late to seek a better understanding of a long-term difference. You’ve stayed together, which means that the love and companionship between you are the binding factors.
Since your wife opened the door to investigating further, it’s somewhat surprising that you haven’t done so in the past.
A specialist in sexual therapy may be able to illuminate what caused your wife’s lack of interest in sex — whether it was low libido, physical discomfort or some other reason.
She may or may not still be willing to explore this. You can both still have sexual relations at your ages, if health reasons don’t interfere. You can certainly still experience sexual intimacy of stroking and pleasuring.
So why not explore your potential with a sex therapist’s advice? And if either of you feels you should check it out with your doctor, do so.
Q There are some days where I absolutely love myself, and I feel like I can do anything. But some days (or most days) I feel ugly, stupid, anything along
those lines. I have so much selfloathing and I don’t know why.
Everyone says it’s just because I’m a teenager and that’s why I have these mood swings, but I think it’s something more. Lately, I’ve been feeling not good enough body-wise and have considered throwing up. I feel depressed, happy and sad all at the same time. I feel like I can’t handle these emotions. Confused
A Of course you’re confused, because these are very conflicting emotions coming at you.
The teenage years often bring a period of mood swings, some of which are triggered by the changing hormones inside that are part of your body/mind transition from being a child to an adult.
The transition is normal, and so is the confusion it can bring. You don’t want to start negative behaviours like throwing up, which can only bring a greater problem into your life.
Confront it right now. Talk openly to your parents. Also, see your doctor. You’re not sick, but mood swings are treatable, and you especially want to lessen depressive moods.