No harm in giving men a chance

Q I’m a woman, 53, who divorced seven years ago. I’d

married young, my children are now married.

My husband was my high school sweetheart and remained that same good guy with the same interests until we split. But I’d grown much more independent.

Once separated, I moved to the city where my children live, made new friends, and built the life I now love. I work in a doctor’s clinic, volunteer at a food bank and sing in a choir. I take my grandchildren to children’s activities and special events. I babysit occasionally. My children understand that I need my own social life.

The only thing “missing ” is a male companion. I’ve had dates, but not met anyone I’d want to see at breakfast.

I know there are many women also leading active and satisfying lives, yet from what I hear, see and read, a lot still feel “unfulfilled” if they don’t have a man by their side.

I’m happy and fulfilled. Sex would be a bonus, but unless it’s with a person who’d bring so much else to my life, I feel it’s not worth the hassles, such as men with difficult adult children, financial differences that cause issues and serial cheaters.

Am I really missing anything by not even trying to meet someone who’d be a partner? Doubting Dating

A In becoming an independent woman, you’ve been adventurous, taken risks, been positive and optimistic. However, your view of dating is pessimistic, focused on negatives, and risk averse.

You asked the question so here’s an answer: Use your own confidence and security to socialize with men (selectively, of course) to see if having a future partner becomes desirable. If yes, get to know someone very well before making major moves.

Q My husband’s a workaholic. He stays so late at work he can

barely communicate at home, and goes to bed immediately. He’ll forget to eat, gets grumpy, then eats fast food at his desk.

I love the man he is/can be, but don’t know how long I can tolerate this lifestyle.

He misses my birthday, forgets to call his parents. We don’t have children, but he frequently disappoints his 10-year-old nephew, missing a hockey game which he’d promised to attend.

Our marriage has become a once-a-week connection when he’ll sleep as much as possible, we’ll make love, cook dinner and he’ll sleep again.

I need more from life, but I also want him. Lonely Wife

A Not while he’s working this way, though he might get ill from his poor habits and intensity, bringing temporary change.

But so long as he’s a onedimensional workaholic, you’ll have to settle — or not — for his limited handouts of time. For his sake, suggest that exercise and healthy food would boost his energy and output. Meanwhile, enrich your own life as an example.