Tantric thrills threaten a tiff
Q My basement tenants have incredibly loud sex at least once a day. It lasts between 20 minutes and an hour. (They met in a tantric sex class.)
Yesterday I even checked outside whether a dog was being injured due to their unusual noises. My partner and I live upstairs. We also have regular sex, and louder when the house is empty.
We don’t want our tenants to be party to our intimacy. After six months, I feel violated by it.
I know it doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal. But there’s something so brazen about the volume and frequency, with complete indifference to what my partner and I might feel.
When they begin, I feel genuine distress. It’s taking an emotional toll.
Am I unreasonable? What’s the most balanced and mature way to handle this situation? Others’ Noisy Sex
A You certainly have a problem, but you’re likely not the only people who’ve found themselves unwillingly aware of another couple’s sexual behaviour due to proximity and sound levels.
Though the situation seems awkward to discuss, there may be some logical responses:
Check your municipality’s noise bylaws. They won’t specify sexual shouting, but will mention decibel levels that are over the top. If this case qualifies, take it to your local official in charge. When he/ she stops smirking, there may be some answers that apply.
The landlord-tenant act for your jurisdiction may also cover how to handle excessive noise from a tenant, and what you can and cannot do about it.
Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice, which involves breathing techniques to provide more energy to the act, including panting (perhaps that’s why you thought you heard a dog).
There are “balanced and mature” things to say to the couple, again dealing mainly with noise factors. However, because your emotional reaction is so strong now, it could lead to an unpleasant exchange.
If there’s nothing you can legally do about this and nothing you can say without embarrassing yourself and insulting them, try the following: Wear earplugs or play loud music you like when you’re in the house in the day. Keep a white-noise emitter in the bedroom for when you sleep.
I’m hoping some readers have suggestions, too.
Q I’m a single man, 62, who suddenly has to change my surroundings and friendships for three months.
For 15 years, my company has sent me to our branch location.
I’ve made good friends there, and joined a gym on a monthly basis.
Now, when it’s harder to make new friendships and adjust to new places, I’ve been told I must go to a second branch or lose my position. (Several coworkers would love to take over my responsibilities.)
I can’t imagine starting that process of trusting new people all over again.
Do I reject the move and job, or am I being foolish? Upset by Move
A You’re at a perfect age for a shot of new energy.
The new location is bound to have a history and natural environment which are interesting to explore. Join a walking group for your days off (meetup.com), find a gym and the rest will fall into place.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.