It’s time to get a grip and show your trust

Q My girlfriend of five months still talks to her ex-boyfriend every day. She had sex with him early in our dating period.

I wrote to you about this before. But new facts keep popping up:

I’ve seen a message on her social media saying he misses her. She hasn’t seen him for a couple of months but wants to get together on his upcoming birthday.

I’m getting anxiety attacks just thinking about it. I’m 31, I love her, and want her as my lifelong companion, but I’m going through pain, heartbreak and mental breakdown. Three’s a Crowd

Get a grip. She’s still your girlfriend. She doesn’t see him regularly, but keeps contact because they both want to remain friends.

That’s not unusual in what’s still a developing relationship.

Unfortunately, your fears and anxiety may soon push her away. Instead of constantly showing your insecurity about this guy, consider going with her to see him on his birthday. And wishing him well.

But first, reassure her that you recognize that you’ve been overreacting. Now, show your trust — she did stop seeing him — by saying you want to put your anxiety behind you.

Without confidence in yourself and in her having been faithful since you two became a couple, your jealousy will only grow and even extend to other males she knows, works with, etc.

Few partners can put up for long with constant controls, snooping and accusations. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. ellie@thestar.ca @ellieadvice