A break may reboot or reframe relationship

Q I’ve been in a long-term

relationship for six years. My boyfriend and I communicated across continents for three years, and now we’re living a four-hour drive apart. We spend time together every other weekend.

Lately, I’ve been dissatisfied. I feel taken for granted. When we’re together, he doesn’t want to do much and I feel he’d rather be anywhere else.

I don’t know if I should let a six-year relationship go or if I should hang in patiently and hope my concern gets heard? Conflicted

A Not many couples can maintain a committed long-distance relationship for even the three years that massive distance and circumstances kept you apart. You two managed that.

The very challenge likely contributed to determination by both of you to make it work. Now, with three years of living closer, there’s far less challenge.

The relationship’s gone stale. Both of you need a break. Instead of being committed to an old connection, clear the cobwebs of your long-distance style.

Raise the break idea as a fresh reboot for both of you. Set a deadline — a minimum of three months. Allow dating as a possibility for each of you, without accusations of “cheating” if either of you meets someone.

Then agree to discuss what you learned about yourselves and your relationship while apart.

You’re not throwing away six years. You’re building from life experience — one way or another.

Q My son and his wife of two years are in the midst of a separation due to his wife’s affair. They have three children.

But the wife’s now pregnant from the man with whom she had the affair and is trying to get back into my son’s life because the man dumped her.

I have no respect for this woman. She doesn’t work, plays the welfare system and got pregnant as the last child was heading off to school.

She’s now manipulating my son into taking her back. I’m struggling to find a good approach to this mess, without alienating my son. Frustrated and Disgusted

A Be the example you want your grandchildren to see — loving and open-minded (which you aren’t, yet the couple may reunite).

Yes, this woman’s behaviour is upsetting. But being judgmental doesn’t help. She’s entitled to welfare benefits if the family qualifies.

Her pregnancy has to be considered as your grandchildren’s imminent sibling, not as the mother’s escape from work.

You vented about your lack of respect. Now drop it. You need to be bigger than that. Invite her to your home if you invite the others.

A little warmth and acceptance may be what’s been missing in her life. Be an example.