When a 51-year-old says ‘I’m your grandson’
Adopted Petawawa man too late to meet his birth parents, but finds other family
For a long time, Sean Davoren has wanted to meet his birth mother. When he finally learned her name last year, it was six years too late.
Over the holidays, Davoren finally met his 94-year-old grandfather, who has four granddaughters, but never knew he also had a grandson.
“I’ve been in the military for three decades. I’ve seen a lot, done a lot,” said Davoren, a physician assistant at CFB Petawawa. “But along with my marriage and the birth of my son, this was in the top three of my life. It was surreal.”
Ken McFarland said he was excited and nervous about meeting his grandson. “What do you say to a 51-year-old man who says, ‘I’m your grandson.’ There were a few tears and hugs. But everything turned out beautifully.”
Davoren was born in 1966 in Winnipeg. He was adopted at birth and knew that fact from an early age. His adoptive parents divorced when young and his mother remarried and had three sons. “They were a great family,” said Davoren.
At first, being adopted wasn’t a big concern to Davoren, who joined the military at 17, eventually becoming a medic and later getting his credentials as a physician assistant. But as he got older, the desire to know more about his birth family nagged at him. An attempt to access his birth information failed.
In July 2016, Davoren’s adoptive mother called him to say Manitoba was opening its adoption records. He applied as soon as he was allowed and got a copy of his birth certificate in December 2016. It named his mother and her address in a small town in Saskatchewan.
Davoren’s wife, Lori, Googled the name on the birth certificate. “Within a few minutes, she found an obituary of my birth mother,” Davoren said. His mother, Beverlee, died in March 2010. Armed with information he gleaned from the obituary, which listed members of her family, he decided to reach out. It was a delicate matter and he started with his uncle, Dennis McFarland, in Vernon, B.C.
“My first phone call was a surprise. No one knew about me,” Davoren said. “I said I was looking for relatives of Beverlee. Did he know she had a son? ‘No,’ he said. Then I said, ‘Well, according to my birth certificate, I’m her son.’ And he just said, ‘Ohhhh.’ ”
Davoren sent his uncle a copy of the birth certificate. Dennis McFarland called his father, who lives in a nearby retirement home, and told him to be sure he was sitting down.
“It was a good thing I was sitting down,” Ken McFarland said. “When you learn you have a new member of the family after 50 years, it’s a shock.”
Beverlee had not told her family about the baby, confiding only in her aunt, who had kept the secret. Beverlee married the baby’s father soon after Davoren was born, but the marriage didn’t last and Davoren’s father died many years ago. Beverlee remarried and had two daughters. Her family knew about the first marriage, but nothing about a baby. Ken McFarland and his wife Florence left their farm east of Saskatoon in 1972 and moved to Vernon, B.C., where he operated a flooring business.
Soon, Davoren was exchanging phone calls with family members who had only recently learned of his existence. He met with Dennis and his wife, Pat, when they came to Ottawa last summer to visit their daughter.
Wish of a Lifetime Canada stepped in to arrange for Davoren to travel to B.C. to meet his grandfather. The organization fulfils seniors’ wishes though a nomination process. Staff at the Chartwell Carrington Place Retirement Residence in Vernon learned of Ken McFarland’s new-found grandson and submitted his wish.
“We see wishes as a catalyst to sharing amazing stories,” said Victoria Loeser, communications manager of Wish of a Lifetime, which was founded in the U.S. in 2008. An independent Canadian organization was launched in 2015 and has granted 47 wishes so far.
“There are about 160 people in the retirement residence. They never knew I had a grandson. I think they all know it now,” said McFarland.
Davoren spent a week in Vernon putting together the puzzle pieces of a life spent apart. He learned about his grandmother, who died in 2013 at the age of 88. She and Ken had been married 68 years. He learned that men in the McFarland family tend to live to a ripe old age and his mother Beverlee had a talent for gardening as well as a marked preference for Pepsi, as Davoren does. He also learned that his path had almost crossed with family members many times. He was at CFB Borden while his mother was living in Toronto, and his uncle Dennis was in northern Manitoba when Davoren’s adoptive family lived there.
“It’s a great big country, but we have been within a two-hour radius many times,” he said.
McFarland would like to do it all over again, but he has his doubts it will happen. “I’m 94 years old, and time is running out on my clock. I play it one day at a time.” jlaucius@postmedia.com
I said I was looking for relatives of Beverlee. Did he know she had a son? ‘No,’ he said. Then I said, ‘Well, according to my birth certificate, I’m her son.’