TIME FOR A FRISKY FAREWELL
Fifty Shades Freed finally finishes off flirtatious franchise, Chris Lackner writes.
MOVIES
Big releases on FEB. 9: Fifty Shades Freed; Peter Rabbit.
Big picture: Still oddly lacking in onscreen chemistry, Mr. and Mrs. Grey—fresh off their wedding vows — embrace a life of luxury and kinky bedroom shenanigans.
But new challenges emerge in the form of the racy blond architect of their new dream home, dangers from the past and, presumably, the fact manufacturers simply don’t make leather products — from paddles, restraints, harnesses and whips — like they used to.
Expect corny, wooden dialogue that would make a Hallmark-card writer shudder like “I just can’t believe that this is my life … that I get to live with you,” and enchanting couple dialogue like, “So you want to play?” “Yes sir.”
This film franchise, based on E.L. James’ best-selling novels, doesn’t take itself too seriously. The final instalment’s tagline is “Don’t miss the climax.” Yup.
Meanwhile, the beloved Peter Rabbit gets transformed into a cotton-tailed cross between Bugs Bunny, Bart Simpson, Dennis the Menace and Alvin from the Chipmunks. Is nothing sacred? (Short answer: no.) The only redemption: He is voiced by late-night sensation James Corden.
Peter Rabbit still wears a blue jacket and no pants, but he’s now a wily, irreverent critter up to no end of mischief. His tagline is “Rascal. Rebel. Rabbit.”
Beatrix Potter is spinning in her grave.
Forecast: We can all at least be thankful there is no release called Fifty Shades Freed: Peter Rabbit. Fans of the fluffy icon have enough change to cope with.
TV
Big event: Here and Now (Feb. 11, HBO Canada).
Big picture: Here and Now is like This Is Us meets Twin Peaks meets the mind of Alan Ball (Six Feet Under, True Blood).
This is a twisted, dark, comedic look at two American families living in a broken country — echoing the violence and racism torn from the daily headlines. One is a “progressive, multiethnic family” led by a highminded professor (Tim Robbins) and his liberal lawyer wife (Holly Hunter). Things get weird when one of their many adopted children seems to start attracting supernatural attention from hidden forces.
The other family is Muslim and headed by a respected psychiatrist. Twists and turns are coming, but HBO’s lips are sealed. Expect lines like “The whole country is a mess right now” and “Right now is all that ever exists.”
Forecast: Here and Now, eh America? I can’t be the only one who would have preferred: Here and Three Years from Now.
MUSIC
Big releases on FEB. 9: David Duchovny (Every Third Thought); Franz Ferdinand (Always Ascending).
Big picture: Sure, The X-Files’ bad boy doesn’t really count as a big release. But Hasselhoff is still big in Germany, so anything is possible. The actor rocks out on his second album. This from a guy who picked up a guitar for the first time just a few years ago.
Meanwhile, Scottish rockers Franz Ferdinand will be releasing one of the year’s most anticipated rock efforts. Along with a new guitarist, they also add more electronics to the mix.
“It’s still us,” frontman Alex Kapranos recently told the media, “but it’s maybe trying to do some new things.” Just like Peter Rabbit, I guess.
Forecast: Gillian Anderson will join Duchovny’s next album on drums, and they’ll form a duo known as The Truth is Out There.