Let time heal awkwardness

Q I’m a straight woman, late30s. My close work colleague knows this because we confide in each other and she met my last boyfriend. She’s married. We both have children.

Recently, when my kids were with their father, she came over and we drank too much. Then she came on to me, to the point of starting to undress. I was shocked.

I have no problem with her being bisexual, if that’s the case (she’s never said this). But I don’t know how to handle this.

I felt nothing I said was coming out right. Now I can hardly look at her at work. What can I say or do to get past this? Very Uncomfortable

A She’s at least as uncomfortable as you are. There was no overt coercion. She made an approach, you rejected it honestly, and hopefully weren’t insulting or LGBTQ -phobic.

Your friend may be a later-inlife lesbian, or she may have hidden an attraction to women for fear of just these consequences.

But your long trusting connection let her feel safe to test your response. Alcohol may have played a part, but she wasn’t pushy or persistent.

The U.S. psychotherapist Dr. Joy Davidson has written: “Instead of falling into static, either/or categories, a woman’s sexual and romantic attractions can be fluid and extremely variable throughout her life span. What some people might call being ‘open’ to experiences is often referred to in sexology as ‘sexual fluidity.’”

You were clear you don’t happen to be “open.” Greet her at work. Hopefully, time will ease the awkwardness in your friendship.