Protecting your child is the priority

Q My sister-in-law smokes pot to what I consider problem levels.

We don’t live near my husband’s family. But we’ll soon be staying with them for a week to celebrate our daughter’s first birthday together.

I told my husband I wouldn’t let his sister drive my daughter or me when she’s been smoking. However, because she drives her own daughter when she’s high, I’m being accused of saying she’s a bad mother.

I’ve not spoken about her parenting. Is there a way for me to say this that won’t sound accusatory about her driving her own child while high?

She’s always got her own way in the past but this is one thing on which I’m not willing to compromise.

— Worried

A Do the research on driving while high. Show it to your husband.

Examples: The U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse says, “Marijuana significantly impairs judgment, motor co-ordination, and reaction time, and studies have found a direct relationship between blood THC concentration and impaired driving ability.

And from leafscience. com/2017/12/13: “It is not safe to drive while high. Marijuana can affect your ability to react, making it unsafe to drive and increasing your chances of a crash.

“Some reports show that people who drive within one hour of using marijuana may be almost twice as likely to be involved in a car accident compared to those who don’t consume marijuana.”

Most important, besides scientific facts, is standing up to prevent harm to your child and you. Every family may have their own interpretations of what that involves, but you have to stick with yours unless the scientific findings change over time.

Your husband is defending his sister. But protecting his child and you are his more crucial responsibilities.

Q I’m a man who feels badly about the #MeToo stories. How come a man in a position of power and money can physically and sexually assault girls/ women?

But I think that male/ boysbashing is not a solution. Boys should be taught that they have a place in society, and that assault of any kind is a crime.

The schools should also have male role models, rather than all the female teachers.

— A Man Who Cares

A Your caring is an important step toward understanding the need for changed attitudes.

The many #MeToo stories that have appeared in my column haven’t been about money and power, nor male or boy-bashing.

The women haven’t named or reported anyone, though they were raped, stalked, groped, beaten, and more, by males whose only “power” was that they got away with it.

They were the women’s schoolmates, brothers, uncles, family “friends,” teachers, and sometimes their own fathers.

Most told no one because of feeling shame, or that they wouldn’t be believed, or that no one would do anything about it. Some were even punished for “letting it happen.”

We need more male rolemodels, that is models of what “being a man,” means — respectful, helpful, responsible, standing up against bullies and those who take advantage of others. We need males who not only understand the laws against sexual assault and harassment but who believe that such behaviour is wrong.