At Ottawa swingers club, ‘discretion is paramount’

Marc Clairoux knows a thing or two about sex.

He was pretty excited the first time he had a threesome. But when another couple approached him and his girlfriend looking to swing together, it took him by surprise.

But Clairoux, now 45, embraced the lifestyle about 15 years ago and took to it like a student learning anything new for the first time. “They kind of opened our eyes.” Clairoux is a former gang member who left behind a life of crime when he was finally ready to get out.

Part of getting out, though, meant he had to find ways to stay busy. He owns a pawnshop, is a tattooer and has run a series of bars.

Three years ago, he opened what has become “the spot” for Ottawa’s swinging community, Obsession Swing Lounge.

Clairoux said he fell in love with the atmosphere when he was introduced to the lifestyle. He went to swingers clubs every week, started visiting clubs in Toronto, Montreal and across Europe and compared them to what was available in Ottawa. He said he wanted to make something nice. “I think I have.”

The members-only lounge sits next to a sex shop and the Nuden strip club on St. Laurent Boulevard. It’s open Fridays, Saturdays and the occasional Thursday and Sunday. The biggest non-swinging request is to use the space for Sunday baby showers.

The club, where consenting adults engage in activities where no one is paid or harmed, is legal.

On any given night, there are between 25 to 35 couples of the more than 6,000 members signed up.

Those members, typically between the ages of 35 and 45, include out-of-towners who’d prefer to play where they don’t live and work, a lot of school teachers, as many federal employees as you’d expect in a government town, and even a few police officers. They are married, well-to-do, successful and ethnically diverse, Clairoux said.

“Discretion is paramount.” While some may balk at the idea of a non-monogamous relationship being healthy and fulfilling, Clairoux said he has seen its benefits first-hand.

“In fact, swinging couples are some of the strongest relationships I’ve ever seen in my life,” Clairoux said.”

Why?

“The amount of communication and honesty,” he said. “They don’t have to hide their desires or what they want to do, they speak very openly and frankly with each other.

“The only way that swinging works in a healthy relationship is communication.”

The club looks fairly standard. There’s a dance floor, a fully licensed bar, tables, chair, some couches, a stripper poll, erotic photography lining the walls to the washrooms. Several wallmounted TV screens will usually be showing adult films.

Nerves are expected. It usually takes a couple a few innocent trips before they feel comfortable experimenting. That experimentation can take a variety of forms — watching, touching, kissing, public sex, group sex, partnerswapping and everything in between and beyond.

There is a barrier to the back area and, like clockwork at the stroke of midnight, interested couples start making their way toward it. There are public beds, a private room, couches, a bondage cross, a “party-size” shower, and bowls and bowls of free, cityprovided condoms. No cellphones can even be out in this area.

The club doesn’t make anyone get tested for sexually transmitted infections, but encourages safe sex.

Members pay a fee based on who they are — couple, single, male, female — and must sign a waiver before they enter the club acknowledging they may be exposed to sexual behaviour and nudity and their attendance does not entitle them to sex.

The community is self-policing and won’t tolerate things that are non-consensual.

There are still some taboos, Clairoux said. A large number of men are bisexual but won’t identify as such in their membership or online profiles.

Clairoux still considers himself to be in the lifestyle, though as an operator of the club feels there are some lines he shouldn’t cross.

“It’s always better to keep a separation.”

Clairoux is divorced and his exwife also runs the lounge.

Swinging had no part in the breakup of that marriage, he said.

Clairoux said he wouldn’t recommend trying swinging if you aren’t already in love.

For those couples who love each other, have raised families and built lives together but aren’t connecting sexually anymore, the lifestyle can fulfil their physical needs in an open and honest way without the guilt or burden of having an affair, he contends.

“Everyone still thinks it’s keys in a fishbowl. You come in, you have to sleep with someone you don’t want to sleep with or you just have to have sex in general — you don’t,” Clairoux said.

“It’s safer than a lot of people think ... A lot of these people build lasting friendships before they would even get naked.

“It’s not so different from a typical night out looking to date, except you have a partner with you helping you out.”