A primer on what offends women

Re: Stoffer denies sex misconduct allegations, Feb. 9.

In response to accusations of harassment, former MP Peter Stoffer is quoted as saying: “None of the allegations you indicated had happened, that I recall.”

Men sometimes may not recall any of this because they don’t see it as offensive behaviour. They see it as perfectly acceptable. They don’t understand that the women not only don’t welcome it, they are offended or at the very least, are made to feel very uncomfortable by it.

I once belonged to a business networking group of approximately 25 men and women. One of the men thought it was perfectly acceptable to give bear hugs to the women, with a “hello, beautiful,” as soon as the women arrived for a weekly networking meeting. I noticed he only hugged the more attractive women in the group. I told him I didn’t want him to hug me, and he laughed it off.

I spoke to the leader of the group, who had to speak to him, but when the leader spoke to me later, he said that the behaviour of this man, who was self-employed in a small business, would never be tolerated in a corporate setting. Hugging is perfectly acceptable among a group of friends getting together, but not in a business setting. Later, I also noticed this man “massaging ” the shoulders of one of the other women in the group.

Clearly, there’s a big difference between raping a woman and grabbing her and giving her unwanted bear hugs or kisses, but both are inappropriate in a workrelated setting.

When meeting a male or female friend, if I share a hug or a kiss on the cheek in greeting, that is perfectly acceptable. Would either one of us, as friends, months later, specifically remember hugging the other? Not necessarily. But, in a work setting, women do remember unwanted touching by men working in the same location as them.

Louise LeBlanc, Ottawa