THE SOUL YOU NEED IS YOUR OWN

Q I’m the “My soulmate has just one problem: A boyfriend” man from a previous column.

It’s been five months since I’ve walked away, but I’m still struggling with moving on.

I’ve had dates with women I’ve been attracted to mentally and physically, which have gone well, until I leave in tears because I really don’t want to be there.

I’m an attractive man and personable. I have a solid career, am confident and educated, with great friends.

Yet here I am — willing to give everything up for one conversation, a hug, a kiss, from the one that got away.

I’m replaying everything in my head repeatedly until I’m in tears in the middle of my work day, my commute, my workout at the gym, etc. My soulmate is gone.

For the first time in my life, I’m lost, unmotivated and inconsolable by anyone who’s tried.

#LOSTASCANBE

A You need to find yourself and no one else can do it for you.

No “date” should be your saviour.

Not even your soulmate. The desperation you feel is about your own soul, and what you mistakenly think is the only way to nurture it.

Previously, you wrote that you’re in your mid-20s.

That means you have years ahead to have fulfilling relationships, if you come to understand yourself better.

You’ve given over your sense of happiness to this past girlfriend. You need to regain your own control of your life.

Use all those positives about yourself to trust your ability to get past this mourning period, and start to connect again with others — close friends and eventually other available women to whom you’re attracted.

Moving on purposefully is a process you have to actively choose, through respecting and saving yourself.