CUPID’S DAY MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS
For cash or causes, it’s an occasion to woo the public
Florists and greeting-card vendors aren’t the only ones capitalizing on Valentine’s Day. Every year a wide variety of organizations hitch their causes to the international day for celebrating love, hoping for free publicity. Some favourites this year:
LOVE & ANIMALS
Activists from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals adore protesting while naked or scantily clad. Nubile young things are apparently a sure way to attract attention to the cruelty of eating our furry friends or wearing their hides on the hoods of our expensive parkas. It’s usually the gals who toss off their clothes for the cause. But for a PETA stunt staged Tuesday, the day before Valentine’s Day, a shirtless man and a woman in lingerie made out on a bed set up outside the “meat heavy” Nate’s Deli in downtown Ottawa. They were covered in a fluffy pink blanket and snuggled against pillows shaped like hearts. Their point? Vegans make better lovers. Meat eaters have higher rates of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity, cancer — and impotence, claims the group in a news release.
LOVE & MONEY
Really, what could be sexier than financial literacy? Or more horrifying than a partner who commits financial infidelity? That’s what two organizations promoting financial planning and credit counselling were counting on in their news release unveiling the results of a shocking new survey. More than a third of Canadians, they found, are victims of “financial infidelity.” It’s a lot like the regular kind: secrets, lying. It may sound familiar to those rogues among us who have “forgotten” to mention to a spouse the purchase of a pricey sweater or a red sports car. Luckily, the experts have tips to keep the love flowing, from keeping a detailed budget to watching for warning signs, such as a suspicious change in spending habits.
LOVE & MORE MONEY
Those money folks are just crazy for love. MasterCard announced the results of its annual “love index” that tracks how Canadians spend money around Valentine’s Day using their credit or debit cards. Surprise: dining out is popular. The most mood-chilling factoid in the report? “The share of contactless transactions has seen an increase of 96 per cent since 2015.” Not sure what that means, but it doesn’t sound very romantic.
LOVE & COCKROACHES
The flip side of a plump red heart is the prospect of a tragically broken one. And what crushes the hearts of anti-poverty activists from the Ottawa ACORN group? City councillors who refuse to support landlord licensing! ACORN promises to deliver broken heart medallions on Wednesday to some recalcitrant councillors “who side with slumlords over tenants by not supporting the tighter regulations against bad landlords that are proposed in a landlord licensing scheme.”
“Stop breaking our hearts!” implores their press release. Some tenants endure bed bugs, cockroaches, mould, leaks, unsecure locks and inadequate heating, they say. City councillors who support licensing will receive unbroken valentines.
LOVE & BAD BACKS
A crippling malady is hurting most people’s sex life, according to the province’s chiropractors. Yes, it’s back pain. The chiropractors’ news release rolls out the clichés in its warning: “While that romp in the hay may be all fun and games, it can also lead to back pain,” putting a damper on all the “between the sheets fun.” The statistics cited are suitably alarming. Seventy two per cent of people say they have sex less frequently because of back pain, according to an article in Spine Universe written by a doctor who also can’t resist a bad pun. “Looks like fewer people are having sex in the city ... or the country or even the suburbs.”
But take comfort. Chiropractors are there to help you “learn about the signs and avoid the perils of sex-induced back pain,” says the release.
LOVE & HOCKEY
StubHub, the world’s largest ticket-scalping marketplace, hoped to score some ink with a survey promoting hockey. “National hottie league,” announced the news release. (Really.) The burning question at hand: Which NHL player would Canadians pick as their valentine? The top three: Carey Price of the Montreal Canadiens, Auston Matthews of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and Brock Boeser of the Vancouver Canucks. Respondents also said they would buy tickets to see their valentine play, or spend more money to get seats closer to their valentine. Hint, hint.
LOVE & NEWSPAPERS
Yes, journalists use and abuse Valentine’s Day, too. Journalists in Quebec plan a “day of love for the print media,” according to a release from a communications union. They will be “reaching out to the public in Quebec to reassert the role of the print media in our society.” Maybe they should reach out with a chocolate, too? The day also includes meetings with MPs in Ottawa and the presentation of a letter signed by “thousands of people reminding (the federal government) of its moral obligation to follow through on its recent promises to introduce urgent measures in its next budget to solve the crisis in the media.” If nothing is done, the release warns, Canada faces the rise of even more fake news and a “serious threat to our democracy.” Better make that two chocolates each.