It’s time to say goodbye

Q I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for 12 years. Whenever we broke up for several weeks or months, we got back together, until last year when I saw him three times. I love him.

He’s been legally separated for 18 years, children grown, but keeps helping his exes (giving a ride, fixing their houses).

He’s never suggested we go on vacation together. He says he goes away alone. I now believe that some of our past arguments were deliberate, so he could have a break and hang out with his exes.

I’ve celebrated some of his birthdays with him. With mine, he’s usually mad at me and doesn’t even call. Whenever I point out things he’s done which hurt me, he denies they happened. I know what I should do but I just wanted to hear it from you. I hurt every day. Lost Love

A Twelve years, no Happy Birthday calls. It doesn’t say it all — there must’ve been some good times and reasons why you loved him — but it says “Enough!”

You gave your heart and he held on to his. Yes, you know what you need to do. Start with taking care of yourself: Make your surroundings comfortable, perk up how you feel physically through eating healthy foods, and being active for energy. Get outside, meet up with close, supportive people, plan outings to see and do interesting things.

Give yourself time to heal, and then value yourself to not let anyone squander your emotions again.