It’s always wise to be open about family rifts

Q Six years ago, I left my husband for a woman.

My husband’s dearly loved by my family and I still care about him, but I had to live my truth with a woman who’s now my wife.

We’ve all stayed close, including my siblings and family, and my former husband, my wife and me.

After our initial separation, I understood that he was sometimes invited to family events without them including me. He was alone and hurting.

He married a lovely woman who recently passed away. Throughout her illness, we all supported him.

Now, sometimes he mentions going out with my sister and her friends, wrongly thinking that we were invited too.

I feel hurt, left out and sad. A year after our separation, only he was invited to my nephew’s birthday. I called my sister on it.

She apologized, claiming uncertainty about which of us to invite.

But five years later, she clearly sees that we’re friends.

We’re not young, we’re all retired.

Yet I sometimes feel like the teenage girl being kept out of the group in high school.

It’s hard for me to mention this to my wife, who already feels like an outsider, lest she become angry with my siblings.

I’ve never had an argument or dispute with them.

Left Out

A Talk to your sister, privately. The best way to stay close is to be open about your concerns.

Someone in the family feels awkward about being with the three of you together. That’s worth discussing if you can both handle it.

Or, you may have to decide whether to accept, ignore or pursue it further.

Also, ask your ex-husband to not report every event he attends with your family, especially not to your wife as it’ll hurt her feelings.