Mental health needs the proper attention

Q I’m a male, 27, currently in an 18-month common-law relationship with my girlfriend, 29, whom I’ve known for almost 10 years.

My girlfriend’s anxiety and depression are crippling but she refuses to get help. I understand, as I’ve battled — and overcome — severe anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, alcoholism and substance abuse.

I continue to regularly see my doctor and take prescribed medication.

A family member sexually abused my girlfriend as a child. She occasionally texts me saying she wants to commit suicide — yet feels she can “manage” by herself. She argues over minor things, is housebound for days.

She won’t go out in public unless it’s absolutely necessary. She won’t let me leave the house or see friends or family.

I’m worried that she’s becoming a toxic influence in my life. Yet she stood by me through my difficulties so I feel obligated to do the same. I still love her and want the relationship to work. She’s now willing to get couples’ counselling, but I think she also needs individual help.

Looking for Guidance

A Start couples’ counselling immediately. A good professional will soon recognize your girlfriend’s need for getting help on her own, too. Do not blame your girlfriend for all your relationship problems, but do mention her isolation from going out and from your family, which also affects you.

Ask the counsellor if you two can resolve joint problems if she won’t discuss her personal problems.

Give the process some time. She needs your support, at least for now.