Rules are rules, even in the supermarket

Checkout cheaters must be checked, David Martin says.

We’ve all done it at least once. Gone through the express lane with more than eight items.

Some of us may have been close to eight items and done it inadvertently. Others were way over the limit and clearly did it on purpose.

In my experience, this checkout line violation doesn’t happen that often. Most people respect the limit and use the express line only if they qualify.

But there are those few miscreants who repeatedly misuse and abuse the quick checkout. They tend to be upper-income white folks who presumably already have a welldeveloped and frequently exercised sense of entitlement.

From time to time, I like to call out these folks and point out their retail misdemeanour.

The most frequent reaction is one of mild annoyance verging on outright anger. It’s a reaction which seems to say: “Can’t you see I am a very important person and am in a hurry for a very important engagement?”

Then there’s the group that tries to make nice. The queue offender doesn’t deny her offence; instead she tries to avoid repercussions by smiling and pretending she miscounted or didn’t notice she was over the limit.

That’s usually enough to mollify the accuser, since few of us enjoy excessive confrontation. But if the accuser persists in his accusation, the offender’s faux-nice demeanour quickly turns into the anger of the entitled.

I recently confronted an offender at my local grocery store. We were in the eight-items-orless line and she had double that number.

From two spots back in line, I pointed out her retail crime. In my view, the appropriate response would have been to express regret, gather up the groceries and move to a regular checkout line.

There are those few miscreants who repeatedly misuse and abuse the quick checkout. They tend to be upper-income white folks ...

Being from the entitled class, however, she instead haughtily said, “OK, just think of it as me going through the line twice.” She followed that up with a less-than-sincere “Sorry.”

I said “You’re not sorry” and left it at that. As much as I was annoyed by this woman’s disregard for the supermarket rule of law, I had to admit that her response was clever and probably works to get her preferential treatment wherever she shops.

In that spirit, I feel it’s my duty to arm us all with quick replies and retorts if we are challenged in an express line with too many items. After all, if the rules don’t apply to the selfimportant rich, why should they apply to us?

So until such time as we devolve into complete checkout anarchy, I suggest that the rest of us flout the “eight-items-or-less” rule and be armed with our own list of potential comebacks if challenged.

Comebacks could include:

“OK, just think of it as me going through the line two or three times (or as many multiples of eight as it takes to cover your purchases).” “I’m sorry. I can only count in hexadecimal.” “I know. I’m also buying for a friend.” “You’re right but it won’t happen again.” “These are all for the Food Bank.” “Would you like to switch places and pay for my items instead?”

“I suppose you’re going to tell me that a dozen eggs counts as 12 items!”

“I’m innumerate, you numerist pig!”

And my personal favourite:

“Eight items or less is grammatically incorrect. If it had said eight items or fewer, I would have happily complied.”

But if all that seems like too much work, just use the self-checkout service. It’s faster and you’ll be making it easier for someone like me to get through the express line.