It’s just wrong to compliment me on my English

Here’s why it’s wrong to say ‘ni hao’ or compliment me on my English

I was recently at the grocery store self-serve checkout, swiping my spinach on the scanner, when a worker came up to me and said the greeting I dread most: “Ni hao!”

For those who don’t know me, I’m an Asian-looking woman. “Ni hao” means “How are you?” in Mandarin. Except, this worker — who wasn’t Asian — didn’t know I was Chinese. He guessed, and assumed I spoke the language. I don’t even speak any other language than English. I was born in Vancouver, not China, to parents also born in Vancouver.

I’ve heard it all before — from being told by strangers my English is “very good!” in an encouraging voice, to pointed questions asking where I’m “really” from, to being told I look “so exotic!” or if I’m related to this other Mah they know. But something about that encounter put me over the edge — maybe because I was just trying to mind my own business. Maybe because he chose to make his first interaction with me, a stranger, based on the colour of my skin.

It annoyed me, and as these things always do, it hurt.

We got into it — right there at the self-serve checkout. I told him what he said was inappropriate and racist. His argument was that he’s done this before with people who look like me, and they always laugh. I asked him if they weren’t just trying to get out of an uncomfortable and all-too-common situation by being polite.

When I got home, I tweeted it out and received several stories of people who have had similar experiences. But one answer stuck out.

“I always try to speak to people in languages I expect they understand and acknowledge their holidays and celebrations. Is this wrong ?” one person replied to me.

Yes. But, as I’ve realized, maybe it’s not so apparent as to why.

The key word in that tweet is “expect.” Particularly in Canada, where there is such a wide array of people born here, presuming just by looking at me that I can speak Chinese/Japanese/Korean is alienating and dehumanizing.

The assumption is that I’m not from around these parts. That there are things people think they know about me simply because of how I look.

Many Asians who were born in Canada are often not afforded the same spectrum of identity as they would if they were white: Assumptions are often made about me because of the colour of my skin.

In an ideal world, that wouldn’t be the case.

At “best,” these are harmless interactions many just shrug off. At worst, and left unchecked, they lead to more pernicious stereotypes and beliefs. One response to my tweet from an ArmenianCanadian described how she’s sometimes asked if she hates Turks, Jews and Israelis.

Do people also assume I have a Tiger Mom? That I’m submissive? Good at math? (Spoiler: I’m horrible at it.)

I understand that oftentimes, these people are coming from a good place: They want to be inclusive, friendly and welcoming. They mean no harm.

To be clear, I’m fine with you asking about my ethnicity. It’s an important part of who I am, and this isn’t an argument for “colour-blindness.” But let’s get to know each other first. There are lots of other things about me: I work at a newspaper, I play softball, I have an Instagram account where I pet cats.

Don’t make your very first interaction with me a question about where I’m “FROM from.”

Be curious, but not presumptuous. Talk to me like you would anyone else.

And don’t be afraid to greet me with a simple: “Hello.”