Start preparing to move on

Q I’ve been seeing this man exclusively for two years, but he’s married. I’m convinced that he truly loves me.

Everyone thinks we’re a couple as we’re so close.

He’s said that he has no plans for our future and that I’m not in his plans. His reason is that he has a child with a foreign wife and he knows he’ll lose his child if he divorces.

He wants to do his best for the child. Although he knows that I’m expecting marriage, he hasn’t left me.

At times when it gets too stressful, we do discuss that perhaps we shouldn’t meet anymore. Within a few hours, we’re back communicating with one another.

When he sees me all upset about this, he changes the subject so I’ll be happy again.

He says he doesn’t want me to have hopes and expectations. If so, why does he not leave me?

Could it be that he does have plans but is not sharing with me in case it doesn’t work out? About 18 months ago, he did say just that. Now he says there is no plan for me and he’s determined to have his family back living with him again.

What’s in his mind?

Confused

A So far, his mind has been focused on making sure he has two women and two separate lives.

He also thinks about the child that he needs to care for and he’s now more open to those plans.

It’s hard for you to accept, but it’s better to start now rather than remain in a fantasy of hopes and expectations. He’s right about that. But he’s wrong to keep leading you on. He knows that, which is why he’s talking about living with his wife and family again. That’s his reality.

You can cling to your belief that your relationship will last, and that he doesn’t want to give you up. But he will. He’s warned you of this throughout the affair, which is what this is.

Start focusing your mind on how you’ll move on, and prepare yourself for it. That time could be coming soon since he’s speaking more openly about it.