You should be concerned about ex-wife’s mental health

Q My husband and I have been together for four years. Sadly, his ex-wife is still creating many problems — threats, going to court, reporting him missing.

She tried to go to a battered women’s shelter the last time he visited their son. He had to call a family friend to the house to help him deal with the ex.

She also called a mental health line to take the child away. His family had to step in so that children’s services wouldn’t take the child. The psychologist had told my husband to never expect her to co-operate.

Recently, we had the child in our care for the day with permission. But later, when he’d missed her text by just minutes, she became hysterical that he may have kidnapped the child.

I feel like reporting her to the authorities because she’s getting even bolder. How can we stop this?

Worried Wife

A I understand that it’s hard for you to feel any compassion for her. But this woman needs therapy for what she believes is an ongoing threat against her and her child.

Her own family must recognize this. If possible, your husband could ask the family friend to encourage them to get help for her.

Since she is very reactive, he should speak to a family court adviser and/or a lawyer who specializes in difficult relationships regarding shared custody. You two should also seek counselling together, to develop a plan for handling his visits with his son.

Meanwhile, ask police and family court when and how to report her if you’re ever convinced that she’s a danger to the child, your husband or you.

Q I’m 21, dating a guy for one year. He’s married and has a baby boy. I never knew that he was married when we started our relationship.

When he told me about it, I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t give up on our being together.

He said that he no longer has physical relations with his wife.

Can that be possible? How much can I believe him? He said that he’s going to divorce her in two years. Please suggest something to help me because I’m feeling so lonely every night when he goes home.

Lonely Girl

A You have a choice. You’re old enough to decide whether you want to believe everything he says and wait two years … and then maybe be given a reason to wait some more.

But since you don’t have a lot of life experience at 21, I’ll tell you how these situations usually work out:

The cheating husband already has what he wants for now — a home and child being taken care of by his wife, a girlfriend for sex and feeling like he’s still a single guy free to do as he pleases.

He did have physical relations with his wife before the baby.

“The Girlfriend” is ultimately left behind when the man misses his son and family life … or the cheating becomes too hard to conceal, or expensive.

Or, his wife discovers his affair and threatens to divorce and keep the child.

OR, the young girlfriend recognizes that she’s wasting her own good years when she could meet someone who’s honest from the start, trustworthy and wants her for the long-term, not just for the nights he can get away.