Seek professional help for sexless marriage

Q My sexless marriage is killing me. We had an amazing sex life in our early affair-charged life.

I brought children from a prior relationship. Now, many years and another child later, she’s shut down sex.

We only have sex every few months and only when I beg. She wants to lie together (which never leads to sex), but I spitefully refuse.

I’ve used massage therapists for release. Avoiding her is my only solution, so we don’t sleep or spend much time together.

I don’t think this is only for me to figure out. Nor is matching her pathetic level of interest an acceptable option for me.

More paid sex is an avenue to pursue, but it’s risky. I don’t think we can live like this much longer.

Sexless Marriage

A I have to assume that you’re staying for the sake of the child you had with this wife.

Perhaps you also feel that your older children need the (false) stability of this union.

My point: Have you examined why you stay with her and done the “pro-and-con” lists with the help of counselling ?

That’s a natural route to go whether you’ve determined to try to live with this situation, or you can’t take it any longer.

From my perspective, your constant anger, frustration, resentment (all valid) of your wife’s arbitrary decision will inevitably affect your home environment negatively, as well as the children. Also, any pattern of “outside” sexual contact — paid or otherwise — does present some sexual health risks, can distance you emotionally from your home, which can also affect the children. Besides needing professional help to weigh these choices, you should insist that your wife be part of the solution. Can she handle your having sex with someone else?

You haven’t and won’t just “get over it,” which is not her right to command.

Whatever options you choose, sooner than later you’ll need to confront her with the reality that if she won’t be part of the solution, you’ll do what you please ... just like her.