Don’t let ex derail your plans

Q After two years of dating, the man of my dreams is close to proposing. He’s divorced with two kids (12 and 9) with whom I have an amazing relationship.

But his ex-wife is increasingly more aggressive toward my guy. They have 50/50 custody, she receives a huge alimony and doesn’t work.

Yet she’s constantly complaining to him how hard her life is, threatening to sue him for more money, accusing him of having a mental disorder, and making up false stories about his behaviour.

It’s a lot of drama and I’m conflicted about whether to proceed.

I’m worried that she’ll come after me and my money next. Is love enough to keep us together? Guilty Conflicted

A It takes a lot of love, plus commitment, maturity and mutual agreements about setting boundaries with her. It’s especially difficult now, when she resents that he’s in a happy relationship and that her kids like you.

See a lawyer to ensure that your money has nothing to do with her alimony or other needs.

Your boyfriend should also check with his lawyer that her child support money and any other financial arrangements with her are appropriate for the children’s needs, and her needs too (not her wishes).

It’s up to your boyfriend to start setting boundaries for her on which you two agree. Example: He’ll answer any important texts readily, but not those that are just harassing. Yes, there’s drama there, and if it escalates you may rethink your decision to marry. But don’t give up before you try some moderating steps. Both you and he should get couples’ counselling now, to discuss more ways for handling all this.