STAYING OFFENDED WON’T HELP THINGS

Q My fiancé lost his parents many years ago. His older sister is like a mother figure in his life.

I make great effort when it comes to his sister, always there for her whenever she needs someone to depend on or a shoulder to cry on.

Recently, my fiancé and I hit a rough patch, which we’re trying to work on. His sister and I had plans to go out but, due to the situation, I cancelled.

When she asked if I’m OK, I said, “not really.” She replied, “OK.” She didn’t bother to comfort me!

I felt that was really cold on her part. I understand that she didn’t want to get involved. But the least she could have done was give me some words of encouragement.

I sent her this message: “You really know who’s there for you when you’re at your worst.”

She tried to call me several hours later but I’ve withdrawn from her.

How should I treat this situation going forward? Still Offended

A Staying offended doesn’t help your feelings about the “rough patch,” nor your relationship with his sister.

Her return phone call signalled that she got your point and wanted to talk.

Just as a mother would, she has to support her brother emotionally, and was likely unsure of what to say to you that wouldn’t be disloyal to him.

Holding a grudge over her hesitancy is wasted deflection from the real issue of how to repair this rough patch with your fiancé.

She’s not the problem.

Q I’m often asked my age, in both professional and social circles.

I didn’t mind so much when in my 20s. Now, I’d rather not share personal details as I approach my 40s.

I’m grateful that I look young enough to confuse people, but I think it’s intrusive to ask.

However, it still gets asked — sometimes indirectly, sometimes point-blank.

It’s especially awkward socially because brushing off the question seems to make things immediately awkward.

That’s when, inevitably, I disclose my age, which I later resent. How to handle this situation? Age Sensitive

A In professional encounters, such as a job interview, it’s hard to avoid giving a direct answer but you can try by stating your years of previous employment and your education, etc.

However, in social or casual situations, you can simply avoid answering by stating, “I don’t consider that a polite question.”

Then, quickly head off awkwardness by changing the topic (something complimentary is a good ploy).