Don’t put up with late payments

Q I’m in my late 30s, divorced with two school-age kids. My ex isn’t a total jerk or hostile to me, but he’s inconsistent about his responsibilities as a father.

He doesn’t always show up for his scheduled access time, leaving the kids hanging around waiting for him, worried, then disappointed and hurt.

Also, his child support money only arrives as scheduled sometimes. Otherwise, it’s late so I can’t pay my bills on time. Or, I have to find and bug him to pay me.

I can’t afford to keep taking him to court, which I’ve done a few times. Recently, I heard through friends that he now has a serious girlfriend and that they’re going on vacation. I also heard that they bought a new condo and are moving in together. He’s told me and the kids nothing about this woman and their plans.

Short of going to court yet again, how do I assure that my kids don’t get the brunt end of this man’s selfish, thoughtless behaviour?

Irresponsible Ex

A There are things you can do about other people’s traits, and things you cannot ever get them to change.

However, in a divorce which stipulates access times and support payments, you can revisit the court regarding enforcement, and should once more.

Ask your lawyer and bank manager if there’s a way for him to set up his payments that works better for you both — e.g. automatic transfers, so being busy or away can’t affect delivery. Or, if penalties can be imposed if his payments are late.

As soon as possible, gently suggest that he get some counselling on how to best manage his relationship with his children while his personal life is undergoing major changes.

Tell him what you’ve heard — remember, he has a right to move on — and explain that it’s best if he accepts that the children and you need to be kept informed so you all know what to expect.