Know when to finally let go of relationship
Q I’m a woman, 26, who dated someone four years ago when I didn’t take dating very seriously. I disrespected the person many times during our threemonth relationship. Due to my insecurities, I literally ran away from him and he officially called it quits. Since then, I’ve regretted everything I’ve done to him. He blocked me on certain social media sites and moved on while I still try to apologize to him from time to time. I just want one more chance to make it right. He was an amazing person. What do I do? Full of Regret
A Do nothing more regarding this previous relationship. You’ve already done what both he and you needed: You’ve apologized and taken responsibility for your poor treatment of him. Also, you’ve matured and recognize that you were driven by past insecurities. Now, let it go. Continuing to contact him when he’s been clear that he’s not interested won’t endear him to you, or make him want to see you again. Also, it suggests that you’re still acting out of old impulses. If this is so (and I suspect it is) seek counselling that helps you deal with all your relationships, dating and even friendships, without bringing along baggage from the past.
Q I’m female and 38, single after six years of living with a partner. We parted almost a year ago. Six months later, my former college classmate on whom I’d had a crush found me on Facebook. We chatted online for a while, then by phone, then went out for our first drink together. I felt the old attraction, but he didn’t make a move other than a hug when we parted. Since then, we’ve only been together about five times, and had sex twice. I feel like he’s The One. He’s 40, never married and has a very busy job for which he travels a lot. He can go three weeks without contacting me, but I keep sending little messages and he’ll send back a smiley face or thumbs-up emoji. Should I try to get a commitment that this is a serious romance for him, too? Losing Patience
A So far, the romance is in your head — your former crush surfaced just when you were ready for it. Meanwhile, he’s clearly in no rush. You’re easily available to him, always keeping up the contact so that he has little need to work at it. Though you mention having sex, you say nothing of intimacy — conversations about your feelings, shows of affection, meeting each other’s close people. Maybe some of this happened but nothing strong enough for you to know he’s on the same page as you in this sometimes-only connection. You have two choices: Be “busy” yourself and see if he misses you. Or, tell him how you feel about him and accept his response.